The Parent Trap

Our principal is continually reminding us that parents act out of love and fear, always, and that came to fruition this week in our school. A parent, who I hope is only acting out of love and fear, brought up actions that were not quite true, but were not quite untrue either. His child was injured and his response was to blame another child in the class and want to take actions against that child that were extreme for what happened in the classroom. All week we shook our heads as people were called in and out of the office to talk about what would normally be considered a pretty standard accident for an elementary aged child, and we shook our heads at this parent. I've been thinking a lot about it as I have heard people talk about their own experiences when their children were in school, when they might have overreacted or felt that their child was not being protected as they should be. I'm trying to come to terms with parents who believe their child should never fall, or be hit, or not quite grasp a concept the first few tries. And at first I thought that was ridiculous, but then realized that really is what every parent wants. No one thinks that their child should learn to look where they're running by falling, or to learn how to share by engaging in a violent tug of war with another three year old (which is really never going to end well). Every parent thinks that their child should be protected to the best of their ability all the time, and I'm not an exception. But as I watched this child, who is sweet and quiet, watch her parents explode over something she had already blurred in her mind, I wanted to cry. I wanted to reach out and hug her and tell her it was not her fault (because I know that's what she was thinking), that her parents loved her very much, and that one day she would be in a position to make a better choice as a parent. I think that parents forgot a lot of our job is protecting their children from the time they come into school until the time they leave, and that our job is to evaluate what happens to them during that time. And, many times, we will make a less than perfect choice. There are times I have not realized a student is going through something I can't comprehend and become short with them. Or I have placed a bandaid over a scratch that wasn't really there to get a child back on task. But it's important to remember, also, that we aren't taking care of one child. We are in charge of hundreds of children, who are all these unique, wonderful, beings. We are in charge of hundreds of imperfect beings, who will undoubtedly not always do the right thing, and not always make the correct choice at the correct moment. Fortunately we are nothing if not forgiving, and we know that this will change as our children grow. I'm trying my best to understand parents who forget that their child's classmates are also just that- classmates. Peers the same age, developmentally doing the same things that their child is doing. I'm trying to empathize with parents who don't realize that their actions may be hurting someone else's baby, and I'm trying to figure out the rationale of stopping their child from participating in the activities someone in elementary school should. But in figuring out how this is done, I worry that we will fail to help guide our parents into understanding what it is that their children need, and fail them. We will not be raising strong, independent citizens who will change the world, but instead children who see themselves only as the victims of the actions of others.